How they met (and other short stories)

There were always 2 significant people in my life. There was Matthew, and there was Lyla. Matthew, well, he was, is, my brother. He was 20 when he died, and he lived in a loft in the city with a bunch of guys he called his "band". Matthew had issues, big ones, small ones, any ones. He just had issues. But Matthew had a philosophy. When I was small, he'd wrap his huge hands around mine and he'd make me sit and listen to his philosophy. He used to tell me that if I was good, I'd get everything I ever dreamed one day. He told me if I loved everyone I met as much as he loved me, there was no way the big guy in the sky could keep anything from me. And I'd smile. Not because I believed him, not because he called me JennyBean, but because he was my big brother, and because I knew that he loved me. He used to call me up at night and invite me over for drinks with his "band" eventhough I was 2 years under the legal drinking age. Dad never liked the idea of me hanging around Matthew, and I didn't care. One night Matthew insisted he drive me home, but he'd been totally wasted. "Let you go home alone? Are you crazy JennyBean?" he slurred twirling his keys around his boney finger. "I'd be crazy to let you drive me home after that 100th drink you downed before we left. I'll be fine." I said as I waited for a cab. "Just this once Jennybean, I promise, please?" He begged as he jingled his keys around my head. I sighed and walked over to his beat up mini van. I remember how he'd come home one summer afternoon, glowing with pride in his new-old mini van. Her name's Lola, and she had a huge peace sign spray painted on the side of her sliding doors. On the boot, it read "The Frienemies" in messy drunken script. That's what Matthew's "band" was called, and they all made me smile. There was Rob on the guitar, Alex on the drums, and Ethan on the bass, but everyone called him ET. ET was Matthew's best man-friend. That's what they called each other.

Matthew slid the door open for me, and before I knew it he grabbed me and swung me over his shoulder. He silently set me a top one of his amps and closed the door without a word. I sat behind watching him sweet talk Lola into starting up. "Come on baby I need you now, I need you now, I, need, you, now." He sang as he slammed his hands against the steering wheel. I heard the engine roar and I saw my brother slump back into the driver's seat. "Never fails me." He sighed happily. Matthew drove slowly, and carefully. He'd stop once in a while and say something about me taking the wheel, but we both knew that it wasn't going to happen. Just then I heard Matthew yell at me to get down, at first I thought it was the alcohol talking but then he jumped over his seat and hugged me and whisphered "Jennybean I said get down." And it was something in that split second before that truck came crashing into the side of Lola, that I knew that I was never going to see Matthew ever again. And in ways I guess I was right, and I guess I was wrong.

I saw him at the funeral. But I knew it wasn't Matthew. His hair had been slicked back with gel, and they'd covered up the scars with some cakey concealer. It drove me crazy, it drove me freakin mad. I wanted him to move, I want him to wipe that shit off his face. I wanted Matthew, I wanted my Matthew. "It's me," I whisphered, "It's Jennybean" and he said nothing. But of course he couldn't say anything. And at the funeral I cried, for everyone in my family. I cried for my Dad who didn't say a word, and I cried for my Mum, who just sat there and I cried for days after that. One night ET came over and he sang me a song Matthew and I used to sing when he and I were kids.

Miss Lucy had a steamboat,
the steamboat had a bell.

And I cried when I thought of Matthew clapping along to the beat.

Miss Lucy went to heaven,
the steamboat went to
Hello Operator,

And I cried when I thought about Matthew and the big guy in the sky.

Give me number 9,
and if you disconnect me,
I'll chop off your,
behind the 'fridgerator,
there was a piece of glass,
Miss Lucy sat upon it,

and I swore that piece of glass was wedged in my heart.

and cut her big fat,
Ask me no more questions,
and I'll tell you no more lies.

And I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't, I don't know. I just couldn't be Jennybean anymore.